I am a mindless servant of The Hat. The Hat is almighty, it knows all, and sees all. I am chosen as its instrument, to make the world a better place.

This blog is to herald the chronicles of The Hat. Under its command, I will also post other things of interest, such as video games, sports, and whatever else The Hat feels should be up.

Now, you will of course ask, “what is The Hat, anyway?”

Well, the story is as goes. I am a gamer, and one of my poisons are World of Warcraft. On the European server Bladefist, I will steal everything not nailed down as the rogue known as Cablecarguy. And the first thing I stole was the nail factory, so that nobody else could nail anything down. My favourite thing to steal are good dice rolls (certainly nobody can nail that down), and my happiest moment was when I was joining another guild’s Naxx-25 run, and in one evening managing to snag both the tier chest and legs with rolls of 96 and 97, respectively.

But this selfish behaviour would end the day I obtained The Hat.

In the game, The Hat is usually known as “Chef’s Hat”, and the unaware might think it merely be a novelty item. As did I. But when I first got it on my head, my life was transformed, illuminated, and a lot of stuff happened that makes an LSD trip look like a trip to the grocery store. At least, the kind of trip to the grocery store where you don’t get mugged, killed, or say “Far out” all the time.

In any case, The Hat told me that it would usher us all into the dawn of a new era. A time where we will be free of war, famine, and telemarketers. It is now my life’s mission to spread its message. My soul is nothing but a vessel for The Hat to work its inexplicable miracles.

I am not The Chosen One or anything like that. Understand this. I have given my life to servitude of The Hat, but I cannot even start to begin to gain an inkling of understanding, and The Hat itself is quick to note that I am as worthy as the lowliest worm.

All I am, is a vessel to spread the word of The Hat, until such a day that a true and worthy prophet of The Hat will come forth.

Preferably one that doesn’t constantly roll better than you on the good tier emblems.


July 2018
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